In this past week my 2 kids quit school (ok ok school closed) , I lost my job(s) and my husbands job is questionable (thankfully able to go in day by day). Schools, movie theaters, fitness gyms, pretty much everything in the world has closed except: grocery stores (and suppliers) and hospitals. We are all shut in our houses with kids that are going stir crazy and I don't know about you but I keep waking up thinking "I'm in the worst Adam Sandler movie.... 50 first dates"
In all seriousness, life right now in 2020 is a bit scary, yes there is concern for my loved ones, especially my mom who could come down with COVID-19, but also about our economy and what life will look like on the other side of this. My husband and I have a child graduating next year and going off to college, a son who desperately wants to go to a private christian school and we were looking at ways to make that happen for him.
Hopes and dreams. They have come to a halt. How about you? Did you have some big event for the future and now find yourself questioning what it will look like? How about retirement, yeh that's a bit scary not knowing if over the next 10 years your 401K and business will still be intact.
Here is what I didn't know 10 years ago when I started this blog. Have peace and understanding that we have a God that is in control.
When I look at social media and talk with people, I find that there are 3 types of people who are responding to this current situation:
Type 1 - the "oh come on this is a joke why would you shut down the world over the flu???"
Type 2 - the "ok this is kind of a big deal and really an inconvenience because now my kids are home and I have to be home with them, but at least I'm collecting a paycheck or able to work from home so I'm going to do my online workouts every day, make a ton of recipes I always wanted to try and catch up on all my Netflix series"
Type 3 - the "oh wow this is exciting, I've read about this in the bible, we are living out exactly what God has planned and I feel the urgency to tell those around me because I want to spend eternity with them"
So where am I in all of this?
Well, in 1992 I was Type 1, in 2010 I was type 2 and today in 2020 I am for sure Type 3.
I want to share some things with you, growing up I didn't have a strong faith. I really did'nt go to church unless I was guilted into it. But I did have a foundation from very early on that God did exist. I grew up with an amazing woman who held Good News Club out of her basement and made the bible stories come alive. I asked Jesus into my heart at age 9 and 10 and 11 and 12 and probably 1,000 times after because I use to lay in bed and feel so scared that one day the world was going to end and what if God really did not choose me to go to heaven? And what if I sinned and then I forgot to ask for forgiveness and He didn't accept me? Ok what if I do get to go to heaven and then I was alone? What if all the people I loved didn't go with? and eternity alone with bible characters.... that scared the heck out of me well into my 20's.
Then in my mid teens I walked away from my faith. I didn't care, I questioned if God even existed.
In my late 20's I had my first child. Then things just got real. Now I have another human to care for and think about and worry about and yeh God does exist because looking at my beautiful baby girl in all her perfect ways... no other possible explanation.
In my 30's I experienced unbelievable grief over the loss of my dad. I was angry. Ok now I knew there was a God for sure and now I was mad at him because he took my dad from me.
Mid 30's I had my second child. God blessed me with what my heart desired, a little boy with green eyes and who looked just like my dad. I started to forgive God a bit.
Going into my 40's I was in the best shape of my life, felt great, looked great, great job, great marriage great kids... and then suddenly I was being asked by the Holy Spirit (I know, I know, for some of you reading this your like "ok hold up you had me until the holy spirit part"... but hang on it will make sense) to move on. I needed to move on because what I was doing in my life was becoming an idol. I didn't listen for about an entire year because I LOVED my life, that I created that I worked so so hard for. ( starting to see the me me me)
And then life started to come crashing down. Work became a stressor and not something I enjoyed anymore, relationships became hard and finally....I became physically sick.
That's what happens when you don't listen :)
Do you ever go into a situation and you think... umm probably not a good idea or it makes you feel not right, yeh that's the Holy Spirit. (non-believers call it their conscience ) anyway you should listen to the Holy Spirit.... because he's always right.
You see what the Holy Spirit did for me over the last two years is to prepare me for moments like this right now.
For the past two years I've been slowly (because this is the one thing I am not fast at) building a relationship with God.
I have always been the one that has to be good at something for me to do it. And reading the bible and memorizing verses is just NOT my strong suit. I'm still not good at it. But you know what, we don't have to be good at it. We just have to take the steps. Kind of like meeting a new neighbor for the first time. Maybe it's a wave and a hello, then it's "hey do you have a cup a sugar?" Before you know it you are building that relationship.
My process looked like this.... I felt lost at our church, like a number 3 years ago. Then I felt that pesky Holy Spirit nudging me to take a class... BY MYSELF. Ugh! Well that lead to .....maybe I could do one Sunday a week at the welcome center, how hard could that be? Not hard just smile and say welcome!
Oh and then I better meet other women, but what if I'm not smart enough or know what they are talking about, after all I don't know the bible super well. What if I say something really stupid? Ok go one time say you did it and then don't go again. But wait, I'm in a room full of women who feel or have felt just like I do. And hang on, I'm in a room full of women who don't judge. Who care about each other. Who have faith, who help each other when there is pain and suffering and fear. I think I should stay!
Ok, I can do this and not only can I do this but I can be a co-leader... and then next year why not be a leader? You see it's a process, we all feel vulnerable, we are all unsure and scared at times.
Yeh, I'm number 3.... I'm the one who is feeling a sense of urgency my friends. An urgency to share with others that right now I would rather be jobless and talking to people about eternity than hosting workout videos and sharing how to be really fit right now.
I don't know what will happen in a week, a month or in a year but I do know that the bible tells us, all that is happening right now, is according to His plan.
For those of you still with me, still reading this, now is not the time to feel hopeless or fearful, now is the time to get it right, pray a prayer of salvation. And have faith that you will spend eternity in Heaven according to scripture.
John 3:16 For whosoever believe's in me, shall not perish but have eternal life.
Prayer of Salvation: Lord, I thank you for sending your son Jesus to die on the cross to forgive us our sins and have eternal life. Forgive me for my sins, make pure again. I invite you in to my heart Lord that you may live in me and I with you for eternity. Amen.
Friends, I love you. I care about you and I wish you all well during this time.
Jen
