sacrifice

Yes, I am going to blog about what I eat (but it will be the next one :)  I first want to talk about sacrifice. Most of you know if you want something bad enough; new iphone, computer, ipad mini (swoon) house, car you get the picture you will do anything for it. But have you thought about sacrifice for feeling better? Looking better? Thinking better? Hmmmm..... those other things are material things and yet we or at least some of us, DO anything to get it. We work extra hours, save and save and save. add an extra job. But when it comes to ourselves and our health, it often goes to the way side and we say it's too hard, or I can't do it, or does that really make a difference? YES it does!
Before I would often skip breakfast or just have a piece of toast and run off to work. By 10 I would be tired, crabby and hungry and want a snack so I would grab a "healthy" granola bar. After eating that I would feel great like I could get through the rest of the morning and I actually felt "happy".  By 12 I was really hungry again and needed food or I was on the verge of crabby and angry again. So from 8-noon my mood went from; normal to crabby to happy to crabby again! That's NOT normal! You should eat to feel sustained and your mood should be Good if not GREAT all day! Now throw in the added stress of work and family and I would turn into a bear :) This pattern proceeded for me all day. By 2 tired and crabby again, home from work exhausted and really crabby I was short with the kids and the last thing I wanted to do was to fix dinner! So I would make something easy..... and processed. I don't know if you experience the same things or if you even realize what your mood is at different times of the day but I encourage you to do a little self check. How do you feel after breakfast? mid morning? after lunch? mid afternoon? after dinner? and then before bed? Write it down, then do a food check for the day. Write it down and the next blog I will talk about processed foods.
When I started to realize this pattern (with the help of Jay Altman) the first thing I found out is my blood sugars were spiking and dropping all day. (No I did not have diabetes but I was pre diabetes.) Everyone has blood sugars and blood sugars directly react to food that is their job. Some people notice it more than others. You usually notice it by your mood how you feel or by gaining weight. For those of you wanting to loose weight.... keep your blood sugars between 80-100 after you eat, and you WILL drop weight. Well how do you do that? I actually went to Walgreen's and bought a glucometer, it was a kit for $34.00 and I would check it after each meal. I did this for about 2 weeks to see how my body reacted to things like fruit, oatmeal, juice, basically anything I ate. If you do this and be honest with yourself you will start to see a correlation between food and how you FEEL mentally and what  your energy level is like.  So why did I label this Sacrifice? Because doing these things initially WILL take sacrifice. I have had many people say "aww live a little, have that piece of cake or pie or sweet" what I use to think is yeh, I deserve that, but now I think "yeh I WANT to live not just a little, but A LOT!" and I want to feel good and I want to grow old and feel good without health problems, or be in a nursing home taking 25 pills to stay alive." Eating clean..... the way our bodies were intended and exercising will come from sacrifice. You will have to sacrifice your time, initially LOTS of time will go into food planning, shopping, preparing. But that will get better, I promise because it will become natural. Next your pocket book, eating clean, quality food will initially hit you as will at least SEEM like it does. But if you add it up in the end you are NOT paying more. Again it's going to take time to learn your system and make the right choices.
You may have to make choices or sacrifices to pick those healthy foods. Like shopping around the outside of the store only, my problem is still that darn chip isle! Calls me every time! For those of you that want to start exercising at a gym or with a trainer it will take sacrifice. Again of your time and money. You may have to drop that cable bill or that cell phone bill to make it work. But I will tell you.... So well worth the sacrifice! A quote from my trainer that I hate but have learned to love... "If you want it bad enough, you will make it happen!" Heres to another day of becoming mended!

How did I get this far?

I have had a lot of people messaging, texting, and emailing me: "What are you doing and how did you get that far?" So I thought I would blog about it so everyone can get the information. Let me start by saying I have tried ALL the weight loss avenues before and I have failed with the emphasis on  I have failed .  People that know me know that I take A LOT of time and research and seek out the BEST. I look for the best surgeons, best dentist, best pediatrician and so on. I feel that if I am going to spend a lot of money on something I want to know that I am getting the latest and greatest information and the best qualifications for my family and myself. So here is goes, here is my journey...... I hit my Low last year, my low was my health. Plain and simple I thought "if I don't change, I'm going to die. maybe not today or tomorrow but at a young age." I saw multiple doctors, had every test run only to find the usual things wrong you would find with an overweight, poorly conditioned 37 year old.
#1- I started to de-stress. I looked for the best massage therapist. I really feel that taking time to yourself away from your stresses is extremely important.  Add in physical touch from a massage therapist and add in all the health benefits of massage and  you've hit gold! I go 1x/month
#2- I took a nutrition class. Education about food and what food does to your body is extremely important. You can workout 6x/week and not be healthy if you still put processed food into your body. When I would diet, especially with weight watchers I THOUGHT I was learning about food, WRONG! Now don't get mad at me cuz I know weight weathers and jenny Craig help a lot of people. But for me it taught me how to CHEAT and get minimal results, that type of program relies on repeat business, nuff said bout that. I took a nutrition class and I read nutrition books ( look to the right and you will see the books I love) I learned that what you put into your body will directly affect how you feel, how you respond and over time how eating processed foods lead to common physical ailments like migraine headaches, brain fog, fatigue, overeating, chronic pain and on to more serious problems like auto immune diseases and problems: arthritis, crones, irritable bowel, diabetes.  Processed food can lead to heart palpitations, heart disease, chronic fatigue, leaky gut, and 1,000+ other problems.  If you don't believe me start reading, start learning on your own and see why what you eat REALLY matters.
Good rule of thumb: if it comes in a box or a bag...... it's processed!
#3 - I found a counselor. yep! I did! I realized I could not deal with some issues from my past on my own so I found a counselor that I felt comfortable with and talked through it.
#4 - Exercise! For me it has been bootcamp. I think it is vital that you find something that YOU like. Maybe it's bootcamp, maybe it's boxing, maybe it's running, maybe it's swimming or walking? Find something and start moving. My advice don't do it alone, way to hard to motivate yourself on the day's you don't want to work. Real quick I will talk about my bootcamp experience with altmanhealthandfitness.com. When I started with them I did not go in with the idea "I'm going to try this and lose weight" I went in with the attitude "I'm going to please my friend Amy and try this groupon for a session and that's it!" ha, was I wrong! I found  a company that is COMMITTED to helping people get healthy and fit. Jay Altman is the best in the business, he spends countless hours on his own education and training and both Jay and Kelly live and breath what they teach. They know the struggles people face and they have an unbelievable way of helping you work through it.  For me it started with Trust. I research this company, I spoke with members, I spoke with trainers and sat down 1 to 1 with Jay Altman before I decided to commit. I still remember the day I came home and said, "Lord, if this is the program that I am to follow then let nothing stand in my way, allow me to trust Jay and his knowledge of health and fitness, allow me to be successful and allow me to share my success with others"  I am here today, 64 lbs lighter and 21 total inches smaller. I went from a size 22/24 to a 12/13. This success has not come easy. It has not come without anger, frustration, sadness, fear, disbelief and most of all pain. I have a family that saw I was committed and agreed to support me in any way they could. When people see that you are actually going to follow through, when they SEE change they will help you.
Lastly I rely on my faith and trust in God that He wants what is best for me, He loves me and wants me to be all that I can be.
One other thing I did this summer was to take horseback riding lessons. I know it sounds silly but there is something about having to take control of a 1 ton horse that really works the soul. I had the BEST horse trainer and she really knew how to work with people that had different styles and issues. I learned again how to trust, how to have courage and how to persevere when I felt like giving up. (unfortunately she has since moved to Idaho and is not able to work with anyone in MN, miss you Tammy!)

I wish I could tell you it was easy and the weight just fell off. Whoever tells you that..... has not been through a full transformation ~ they will more than likely gain their weight back. In fact I did'nt see much of any weight loss for 3 months! Losing a lot of weight is hard, it hurts physically and mentally. You will feel very alone, "why can others eat that and not gain weight" or feel sick and I can't? Or why can some people get away with not exercising and I have to exercise 6 days a week. The answer is because they can. Their metabolism is different and they may have health issues that don't show up until they are 70?
I still struggle, but not every day. I still have issues I have to work through. Fear and doubt still creep into my head. But I know I am stronger and I know what I need to do when those things start to overwhelm me. This may not be the route for you, but it worked for me. I am committed to help anyone who wants the help, all I ask is that you really sit down and have a plan. It is a time commitment, it is a financial commitment and you need to be prepared going into it because you will have MANY other roadblocks that you will have to face. Good luck and feel free to email or Facebook me with ANY other questions! Thanks for following my journey!
I know a lot of you are asking "well then what do you eat?" I will tell you on my next blog but I really want this to sink in first and have you start your plan :)

Worthy

Does anybody else struggle with that? Worthy....... W-O-R-T-H-Y. I looked it up, the definition states To have worth or value.  Sufficient worth or importance. I have struggled with that all my life and I'm not sure why? But I think MOST people do. I think most people don't want to come across as being selfish, having an ego or being self absorbed. For me I feel like: is what I am doing this year worth my families time? My family, not just husband and kids but extended as well. And my friends have given up THEIR time to help Me. Time is valuable and I of all people understand that, so I feel like why do I deserve it? Why do I deserve my trainers continued persistence to train me when there are days I don't want to do what he askes of me. Why do I deserve taking the time away from my kids to train and work weekends, or time away from my husband. Why do I deserve the supportive  emails and phone calls and texts from my friends to keep going, keep pushing? Why do I deserve the attention? LOVE, pure and simple Love..... I am loved by my family, I am loved by my friends by my trainers,  because I too.... love them.  And it takes commitment, and that takes on many forms. For me it was commitment to want to change and realize I could not do it alone. I one of those that would say I'm going on a diet but I'm not going to say anything because I might fail. Or I'm going to start exercising and join a club... yeh that lasted a month. I had no merit, no commitment, I wanted to change but I didn't want to take the ACTION to change. And people it takes action and desire and at times pain (who am I kidding all the time pain). For me it's been weight for you it may be something else like drug addiciton, alcohol, sexual and so on. But they all have the same end.... it takes ACTION to change. We can continue to live a life in vulnerability (taken from pastor Rob Ketterling~ River valley church) where we feel like we are weak and open to attacks so we need to CONSTANTLY defend ourselves. This is where negativity and bullying comes from. We feel like we are always under attack so we choose words or thoughts to protect ourselves. That was soooo me! Or we can move to a place of Stability. Ahhh, this place is so much better then vulnerability. This is where I am now, I feel stable I feel growth and understanding and mostly I feel peace. My alarm is not going off all the time. I don't feel the need to always defend myself.  But it gets better!!! We can move on to vitality! Vitality is living that life that you dream of! Okay wait..... I don't mean a big house with an amazing car and a million dollars in the bank. I want to be clear very clear.... life is NOT about material things. It's about being happy, truly happy with what you HAVE. In the past I longed for a different house, a nice cushion in the bank, that my kids could be in every sport and activity they wanted. But I came to the conclusion that those things DON'T last. They only bring you joy for a short time and then you want the next best thing... hehem... Iphone5 :) So back to vitality.... It's about living your life and being content with what you currently have and finding the joy in the things that last (faith, hope and LOVE) and living it so that people want to live that way too. My hope is that I can lead a lifestyle and inspire people to want to change. I want them to say "that Jen Flynn she has amazing energy, amazing drive, true joy and love and I  want that too!"
Worthy......... we are ALL worthy of faith, hope and love and most of all LOVE. I am going to continue on this amazing journey, a journey to be.... mended.

Safety Net

I don't know if anyone reading this has ever had someone in their life that made you feel like no matter what you did, what you needed or how much you needed, they were there for you.  I did.   You see growing up my Dad made us work hard, very hard which built my self esteem, confidence and good work ethic and values. I didn't realize it until he died that he was my safety net...... my only safety net. So that day and the weeks that followed his death I fell HARD.... VERY HARD. I shut people out, I shut my thoughts down, I shut my actions down. Which led me to a very broken, isolated, depressed, unhealthy physically, emotionally and spiritually person.  Then I got fed up with myself, but I didn't know how to change? How do you change especially when you believe you have nobody that cares or no safety net?  Are you the type of person like I was.... "I don't need other people to help me, I can help them but I don't need help." " I don't want to be that nagging, needy person that irritates everyone" ( you know the type). "I have my life together, if I ask for help it will show my faults, my flaws, oh and even worse..... my weakness"  Yep that was me! Don't get me wrong I didn't think I was perfect but I wanted to make other people think I was. So I needed to get real with myself.  First things first, I was FAT and I was unhappy (I will talk about the unhappy part in another post :) I hate that word fat, but really that's what it is.... FAT.  Next thing I had to realize is, "I can't do it alone" and you know what? YOU don't have to do it alone! It was like someone put a manual in front of me and said guess what Jen.... in this life;  don't trust anyone, everyone is bad, you have to be able to fend for yourself and just get through life and it doesn't have to even be enjoyable! I bought that crap for wayyyyy to long.  I have sought out and enlisted so many people to help me because that is what I need. And that's what you need, and it's okay! We do NOT have to go through this life alone. Because you know that safety net... take a good look at one sometime, it's not made up of one thread. It's not like a solid sheet underneath a tight rope ready to catch it's tight roper.  NO! it's MANY threads woven together to form bigger threads and those threads are woven together to make it even bigger  stronger threads and so on. And it's flexible it supports and bounces and rebounds. I'm telling you people,  if you have a sheet made of one thread underneath you it's not a safety net, it will not support you. You need many threads, many people in your life to support you, that will help you rebound and will help you bounce when you need it. This year, that has been my greatest gift... I have MANY people around me that love, encourage, support me in HEALTHY way. In the beginning of this journey I was told to reach out and see what happens. I reached out and it was so worth it! Be true to yourself and ask yourself who makes up your safety net? Because you so don't have to do it alone.

It's time......

I have thought about writing all my thoughts down for a long time. But that was about as far as I would go. Thoughts..... thinking.... over analyzing....... that's me, or at least that was me. Let me back up for a second. I was the girl that thought she did everything right or at least attempted to do everything right. It would seem from the outside that I had the perfect life. Not true, I was extremely unhappy, overweight, depressed and angry but yet living a life that most people would LOVE to have. A great husband, 2 great kids, a nice house, a good job supportive family. But it wasn't enough, in fact it wasn't near enough. And I was tired, tired of living that way, tired of  feeling like "is this it? is this was life is about? I'm not DOING anything, I'm not LIVING..... I am simply...... existing.
I know there are A LOT of people out there that feel EXACTLY the same way I do. Which is why I have finally decided to start this blog. Because I was there, at that exact same spot you are and now I'm on a journey.  A journey to become....... mended.
I hope you decide to follow me on this journey. It could get a little bumpy, just ask my husband, my trainer and my bootcamp girlz!  Yes I have lost just over 60 lbs, but I am NOT finished. I still have a little ways to go which feels like miles. Your probably saying to yourself, she's over the hurdle and on the home stretch. Oh no, I have much more to change and mend and I am smack dab in the middle of it!  So I welcome you to follow me, ask questions and if you feel compelled..... even join me, because I know that we are meant to love and live life.