Worthy

Does anybody else struggle with that? Worthy....... W-O-R-T-H-Y. I looked it up, the definition states To have worth or value.  Sufficient worth or importance. I have struggled with that all my life and I'm not sure why? But I think MOST people do. I think most people don't want to come across as being selfish, having an ego or being self absorbed. For me I feel like: is what I am doing this year worth my families time? My family, not just husband and kids but extended as well. And my friends have given up THEIR time to help Me. Time is valuable and I of all people understand that, so I feel like why do I deserve it? Why do I deserve my trainers continued persistence to train me when there are days I don't want to do what he askes of me. Why do I deserve taking the time away from my kids to train and work weekends, or time away from my husband. Why do I deserve the supportive  emails and phone calls and texts from my friends to keep going, keep pushing? Why do I deserve the attention? LOVE, pure and simple Love..... I am loved by my family, I am loved by my friends by my trainers,  because I too.... love them.  And it takes commitment, and that takes on many forms. For me it was commitment to want to change and realize I could not do it alone. I one of those that would say I'm going on a diet but I'm not going to say anything because I might fail. Or I'm going to start exercising and join a club... yeh that lasted a month. I had no merit, no commitment, I wanted to change but I didn't want to take the ACTION to change. And people it takes action and desire and at times pain (who am I kidding all the time pain). For me it's been weight for you it may be something else like drug addiciton, alcohol, sexual and so on. But they all have the same end.... it takes ACTION to change. We can continue to live a life in vulnerability (taken from pastor Rob Ketterling~ River valley church) where we feel like we are weak and open to attacks so we need to CONSTANTLY defend ourselves. This is where negativity and bullying comes from. We feel like we are always under attack so we choose words or thoughts to protect ourselves. That was soooo me! Or we can move to a place of Stability. Ahhh, this place is so much better then vulnerability. This is where I am now, I feel stable I feel growth and understanding and mostly I feel peace. My alarm is not going off all the time. I don't feel the need to always defend myself.  But it gets better!!! We can move on to vitality! Vitality is living that life that you dream of! Okay wait..... I don't mean a big house with an amazing car and a million dollars in the bank. I want to be clear very clear.... life is NOT about material things. It's about being happy, truly happy with what you HAVE. In the past I longed for a different house, a nice cushion in the bank, that my kids could be in every sport and activity they wanted. But I came to the conclusion that those things DON'T last. They only bring you joy for a short time and then you want the next best thing... hehem... Iphone5 :) So back to vitality.... It's about living your life and being content with what you currently have and finding the joy in the things that last (faith, hope and LOVE) and living it so that people want to live that way too. My hope is that I can lead a lifestyle and inspire people to want to change. I want them to say "that Jen Flynn she has amazing energy, amazing drive, true joy and love and I  want that too!"
Worthy......... we are ALL worthy of faith, hope and love and most of all LOVE. I am going to continue on this amazing journey, a journey to be.... mended.