Saturday, May 4, 2013

Incompetent?

I hate feeling incompetent. But worse I think I hate being viewed as incompetent. I don't mind so much being considered ignorant ( that is, not knowing what I haven't been taught) but incompetent......you might as tell tell me I'm straight up stupid!
Learning has never been easy for me. In middle school and high school I got through it, I was a C student who didn't really care at the time because I had my friends and had my sports. Enter College and Physical Therapy school...... Seriously still don't know how I passed kinesiology, anatomy and physiology and my most dreaded...... psychology. I think I confused my psychology professor so much that he decided to pass me so he wouldn't have me in class again!  That's not to say I am not a good Physical Therapist Assistant. I believe I am, but it took many years of learning from really good therapists to actually get to that point. Same with photography, it took me 3 years of learning from some of the best photographers in the business and still I'm trying to perfect my craft. So why can't I figure out how to eat and exercise right for me?????
I mean really it's been over a year of dedicating my time, money and energy into 2 things..... 1. Food and 2. Exercise.  I should be a pro right? Enter in feeling like I am incompetent! I would have said 6 or 7 months ago it was ignorence. Not any longer... I  have been living, breathing, speaking what I have learned and I am STILL not at my goal. What is it? Why do people fail to achieve? Why do people have this strong desire to start something only to fall off and never complete it?

"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we hit it" M. Buonarroti

When I made the decision to "mend" mind, body and spirit  it started out great. Okay not great.. I do recall being in so much pain that I did not want to get up and down off the toilet more than necessary. But I was so  excited about the future possibilities.
And then things started to unravel..... my goal was taking longer than I thought it would. I started to get discouraged. And because I didn't really stop and look at what I had achieved, I lost drive and focus. Pretty soon that end goal and all it's promise and possibilities seemed unreachable, unattainable.

Until recently when something happened and it hurt.  It hurt my ego, it hurt a bit of my pride, it hurt physically and it took some of my trust.  What I learned was Jenny Flynn needs to take care of Jenny Flynn. Nobody but me is going to be there to catch me if I fall, or pick me up when I am down. I know this sounds way off base from some of my other posts but it is the reality of life. Sure we need to have friends to give us support and encourage each other, but ultimately it is YOU that needs to take care of YOU. You need to answer to yourself. Nobody is going to tell you day in and day out what choices to make.

You need to be strong and courageous on your own. Stand up for yourself, believe in yourself, believe in your strengths and have the courage to work on your weaknesses know matter how hard, know matter how painful physically or emotionally. Then and only then will you continue to have the ability and the will to carryout your strongest desires.

My aim has been too low..... I know I can BE better, DO better, and achieve MORE. Can you?
Do you have it in you? Do you have that desire to aim high? I mean REALLY HIGH?
I say go for it, you may surprise yourself at how much YOU really can do!

Jen


"For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the Lord "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  
Jeremiah 29:11

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