Due to his popularity, we could not get into the surgeon for 6 weeks. When we finally saw him in May he told us he believed she had what was called a Cholesteatoma. This is typically a benign tumor that destroys bone and had to be removed. His suggestion was within 6 months. We opted to do it as soon as school was out. She had her surgery this last monday the 17th.......
What I am grateful for: the tumor has been removed, the bone in her scull was not as damaged as he originally thought, the tumor was able to be removed from her facial nerve and as a result she has no facial paralysis. Grateful she was not sick after surgery and her balance is normal. Grateful her pain is minimal.
What I am still praying for: She has lost complete hearing.... prior to surgery should could hear sound but not clarity.... praying she is a candidate in a year for an implant. Praying the tumor does not come back.... it has a 50% regrowth rate, Praying the biopsy comes back fine, Praying for her to mentally be able to work through some of the frustration she has right now.
What have I learned through this process? I have learned to TRUST..... From a young age I learned not to trust and with that came fear, I spent many years running form fear. As I got older and life grew harder my lack of ability to trust became so severe that I shut people out including my faith and trust in God.
Those of you who have read my blog know that this blog is about mending. This last week I noticed my biggest growth in mending..... Monday I was faced with a big fear, fear that my child could have a life changing outcome. Fear that I could not be strong for her. Fear that it would impact our family and our marriage. (Have you ever been faced with those really difficult challenges? I know you have, because everyone has at some level). I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I went through this big transformation and that I went into this without fear, that would just not be true. I had strong moments and really weak moments. What I will say is that I went into this last week feeling mostly strong, feeling courageous, and feeling like I was able to support my daughter and be a positive influence in what she had to face.
How do you face those fears when they are breathing down your neck? You trust.... for me I trusted that God was in control of this situation, He loves her MORE than I do and if I would remember that one simple thing I should have no fear. But I often forget that which is why I have surrounded myself with people that will remind me and encourage me.
I used the tools my coach and trainer have conditioned me for, I reached out to my very tight circle of friends, that they would follow through and support me during this time...... I trusted them and they were AWESOME! I asked my family to be there for us and reached out and asked for specific things we needed, I trusted they would follow through and they did. Can I tell you how good it feels to go into a difficult situation with confidence and with support? To go into a situation where fear does not win? Friends if your facing life and all life's battles fearful and alone.... it doesn't have to be that way. But you do have to make a change and I say YOU because the reality of it is; if YOU don't change, if YOU don't take action...... YOU WILL NOT GROW.
I am grateful for this last weeks growth, I am grateful for the AMAZING people in my life, I am grateful that my daughter felt so LOVED and could see and feel how many people cared for her, prayed for her and encouraged her. I am grateful that I could take fear and turn it into courage...... Thank you to ALL of you for reaching out and for your concern.
Jen
"fearful situations are the ground on which courage is born"
doing great!
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