what happens when Jen doesn't eat?

Okay funny story.... well not really, my husband and kids won't say it's funny but we can laugh about it now.  If you would have asked me before where my burst of anger come from I would have said... HORMONES. Right, I mean doesn't every woman have that out? It's hormones and we get away with it! So after this past year of learning all about nutrition, exercise and how my body reacts.... I have learned it about 90% food related... 10% hormone related. Let me give you an example.
This past weekend my husband was actually home for a full weekend so I decided to go to my Sat. bootcamp class. I got back home about 9:30 time is important here cuz I want you to understand how often this body needs to eat. I had a really good breakfast at 6:30am. When I got home I chatted for a bit then took 20min to ice my knee. And did NOT grab anything to eat.  At this point my mood was normal, great morning so far. Then I decided to take a shower..... no go eat!!!! you are not being smart you should go eat!....... after the shower my husband say's "should I cook up that bacon?"  YES bacon! I start getting ready, meanwhile I can smell the delicious bacon cooking in the other room. Now for those of you that are reading this and know I am on the 28 day.... NO bacon is NOT on the 28 day,  but because of certain metaphysical reasons I every so often get to add a little extra fat to a meal. This does NOT mean you get to! :) It's almost 11:00.... timeline here.... have not eaten since 6:30- 4 1/2 hours and I had a hard workout in there. I walk out to the kitchen to make my delicious salad with my 1piece of bacon that I have been drooling over, only to find the plate of bacon is GONE.... YES... GONE! All that is left is little remnants of what was there and a pool of grease! I said..... are you kidding me? Meanwhile my husband stands there with a grin on his face and the kids smiling as well. NOT mama........ look out cuz mama bear just went from 0-10 in less that a second and needs to enter anger management!  I got so angry, and let them know I was angry and stormed off to the bedroom to finish getting ready.... and still didn't eat..... My husband waited the 10 min cooling off period and came in, at that point my mind was racing, thinking of every little stupid thing I was going to be angry about. And my words to him were "you better leave before I say something I regret" This anger fueled for the next 15 min until I finally went out, made myself something to eat with a balance of all the things my body needed, and within 20 min... my anger..... GONE, my mood back to normal, my smile back on my face, my tummy and my brain happy again. FOOD related! I mean seriously WHO gets that upset over bacon?????
I am telling you this story to point out one thing..... honestly and truly.... food, what we put in or don't put in our body, drives a lot of emotion and energy. So the next time you are angry, uptight, lethargic or just plain off.... think about your last meal? how long ago was it? was is balanced with the right carbs, fat and protein? And if you need help with these things.... email me mendedbygrace@ymail.com I can give you the tools to help you get started!!!      ......... Now excuse me while I go get some food! Happy Monday!
Jen

Broken pieces of John Brill

     When I met with John I didn't quite know what I was expecting. I mean I'm just a girl with this blog trying to reach out to others about my own struggles. And then I listened to a man tell his story. I studied his face, felt his pain and watched as he realized....... life can be better.   What a gift for me to be a part of John Brill's journey!  When I left I knew John felt excited and motivated to take action and take action immediately. Which is why I sent him a quick email with some simple steps to get him on a path of "Mending".

     I asked John to find something like a mug or coffee cup and go into the garage and smash it!  I then told him to pick up all the pieces, take them into the house, find a quiet spot with no distractions.  Pull out the hot glue gun and start putting it back together.  I asked him while he was putting it together to think about his life, his childhood, his high school years, his 20's and 30's, his marriage..... what he loved, what he misses. The birth of his children, the life he lives now. I knew if John could take the time to do this, he would be well on his way and he could write the end of this blog post in his own words. So here he is...... John Brill

     I smashed the first mug so hard that it broke the zip lock bag and little pieces went all over the garage. It felt good, I almost cried after I threw it. I got out a second mug and dropped it more gently. I got one resource, a hot glue gun and had no clue how to use it. You were right - parts were easy and parts were more difficult. Getting the base right is important and not as hard as I thought.  The tricky and ugliest part was the one side that I think was smashed the most...... another metaphor.

What do I miss in my life? 

• Laughing - I don't laugh nearly enough - is it because I'm getting older that I'm more serious? Or is it that I'm taking things too seriously? Definitely the latter.  
• Spontaneity - I allow everything to be so structured.  
• Competition- I don't have time to compete or I am not in physical condition to compete. This is more about competition with others than competition with myself. 

What do I love in my life? 

• My wife and my children. My relatives and In-Laws. 
• That I am able to have a job in a field I enjoy for a big-time company like Disney.  
• My community. A few specifics include Eden Prairie, walking the dog along the river, Pax Christi and the Altman's
• Sports and Politics as pastimes
• My faith, although I don't always live it as I should.

What is life going to look like from now on?

• Physical Health - specifically my relationships with food and my ability to be as active and mobile as I want to be. Continue to exercise, achieve a healthy weight and take care of my body as the temple of the soul.
• Emotional Health - focus on the triggers that make me lose my emotional balance. Then what happens when I'm off balance.  Take appropriate action when things are out of balance like counseling, meditation, medication etc...
• Spiritual Health - my relationship with God and my moral compass. Continue to practice my faith. 
• Be more present for others - deeper than "surface" discussions. Building relationships are most important. 

I have a good life, no a GREAT life! I just wasn't present for it. One of my goals is to be present physically, emotionally and spiritually.  God wants me to be the best version of myself.  Last week, that would have been a lot of pressure on me.  This week, however I'm turning the tables a little bit. 

     Jane said to me today " More than anything, I just want you to be at peace with yourself." I haven't been at peace with myself in a very long time, maybe since my kids were really little.  Even on vacation, I never completely wind down and enjoy the moment.  However, today I had a couple of hours where I felt at peace. Where my best was good enough.  Where I gave love and received love. 

     Good job John Brill.....I am proud of you and I thank you for sharing your story with me and everyone reading this blog. You are an incredible person, I am grateful to know you and excited to watch your journey!

John's "mended" mug

John brill part 2

     From the outside, John Brill has it all. He has a genuine and incredibly warm disposition which makes him really easy to be around. He has an exuberance for life and an infectious smile. He also has a wonderful wife and 2 kids.  This might lead you to believe that things some easy for John, but as with most people he has his own struggles.  By sitting down with John I discovered that he is the type of man that works extremely hard, has a very high set of core values when it comes to work and his marriage and he internalizes his perfection to a fault.

      John grew up in a suburb of minneapolis with a normal but memorable childhood. His parents owned a Dog Kennel business which taught him a good work ethic.  In his high school years he started to realize the relationship he thought his parents had, was not what it seemed and while in college, his parents went through a "messy" divorce.  John opened up about his own marriage and fears of what the future holds. Like so many..... myself included, John questions what will happen after they become "empty nesters"? John's drive to make sure his family is well provided for, his desire to be financially secure and to live the lifestyle they are accustom to...... has taken it's toll on his time with his wife and children. I have spoken with other women about that exact question and asked their take on what holds a marriage together? "You have to keep a sense of trust, open communication and friendship between one another, otherwise you get lost in the busyness of life and the next thing you know the kids are gone and you have lost who you once were as a couple."  John realizes this and wants more for his wife and more for himself.  I give John a lot of credit for wanting to make sure his marriage stays not only intact but a marriage that is everlasting.
     John is the finance manager for Disney here in Minnesota, LOVES his job and excels in his field. People that do well like John are always looking at how they can do more, achieve more, set the next goal and excel. John's is finding out that his drive can put other areas of our lives out of balance. So out of balance he occasionally finds himself battling personal demons.  The stress of his own perfection leads to anger issues "I can go to 0-10 like that and just Burst" which he then finds himself comforting himself by over eating and making poor choices with eating.

How do you balance your job, your marriage, your children, your spiritual life, your friendships AND allow yourself time? John is asking himself hard questions while not laying blame on others.  He's setting goals for himself like imporving his overall health and well being, he's opening up to someone he did not know and allowing himself to take a step back and breath.  Step back..... and breath......... look at where you have been, where you are now and decide if you are on a path that is leading you towards your life goal.

     I am excited to share with you what has enveloped over the last few days, I gave John a hard task and some tough questions to answer. I will share those with you on Friday!

........until then!

Meet..... John Brill

I am sooooooo excited about where my blog is going.......... I have decided to "Feature" a new person every month. Why?  Because I have learned through this journey that everyone has a story..... and a story that should be told. This first person I have decided to feature is someone I really did not know. Or at least I didn't know him very well... until now.  I had heard about John Brill and met John a couple of times in passing at Altman Boot Camp. I would hear from the other boot campers how much they "Loooove John Brill" How John is such a great and fun guy to be around. So I knew John would be a good one to start with.... And boy was I right! So here he is..... My new friend John Brill

Have you ever met a person that you instantly felt at ease with? John's charm, humor and friendly disposition can warm a person's heart and make you feel like you have known him for years. John's story could be just like anyone reading this blog.  A story of determination, a desire to be successful and continuous effort to reach his goals.  John finds himself in his mid 40's with the career he dreamed of, financial security, an incredible wife and two wonderful kids. Yet John feels he has more to offer to this world but is caught between managing a thriving career, balancing time with his family and making sure he is meeting his own needs. John struggles with issues of control witch leads to anger which leads to overeating.  I am excited to share with all of you over this next week, John's own story of "mending". And quite possibly you may experience yourself in his story!
....... to be continued!

Day 30!

Ahhh FINALLY DAY 30!
I was thinking back to 30 days ago when my coach told me about this challenge and how MAD and SCARED I was to post my body for ALL to see! Now I find myself showing LOTS of people pictures of me "biggest loser style"............ I still hate when he's right!!!
What I am most grateful for is that in doing this I now SEE results. I have not had a lot of weight loss in 30 days (mostly this last 1 1/2 weeks due to the 28 day program)  but I SEE the results of my eating and working out verses just seeing it on the scale.

A GREAT BIG "THANK YOU" to the beautiful women that participated with me.... they are EXCEPTIONAL!  They ALL did really awesome and I am going to keep them going on this journey to see them where they want to be!

So here you go.......

 JEN :) BEFORE & AFTER  176 to 168    -8pounds

30 days of pure diet & exercise

BEFORE......169

AFTER  161  --8 pounds!!!

BEFORE.... 194

AFTER! Final weight 188  -6pounds!

BEFORE... 239

AFTER.....227 - 12pounds!!!

Day 29

Wow-- ONE MORE DAY!!!
Let me just say these ladies have done AWESOME! They have stuck with this for 29 days with me.
Tomorrow I will post before and after pictures!

How am I feeling? My energy is better, I was able to have a cheat day yesterday which helped my dumpy mood and my slow reacting brain. What did I have you ask?? My cheat items were: Chips with guacamole, a piece of bread and a glass of wine after dinner. Probably not the best choices to cheat with but that's what I wanted and it helped me get through the day and lifted my mood.

Now back on the 28 day program and feeling good today.
My weight is the same at 168, I am shooting for 167 by Monday.

Day 28

Happy Valentines! So today I want to tell you about my super amazing husband! We will have been married 14 years this May. These past 2 years have been the most incredible. Gene is the LOVE of my life and I am thankful that we weathered the hard times.... The hardest... for us!
I'm sure most of you have faced hard times with your marriage and relationships,  Gene and I faced really struggling times even to the point of "is this really worth it?"
Here was my point of view: I had this image of what a husband, what a marriage, what a family SHOULD look like. What I was living was something completely different than my "dream life".
 I had this picture.... don't laugh...  90210 meets Melrose place meets the Cosby family. Funny huh? I thought dating was fun and had a blast 90210 style, then we got married and I expected this glamourous melrose place type of marriage, and when we started having kids I fully expected to have a hilarious outgoing fun loving household like the Cosby's! HA I was so wrong! And what a poor example of what marriage and family should be like right? Having kids was difficult, neither of us knew what to do, we didn't sleep, ate terrible and hardly talked. It was like we existed in the same house but we didn't like each other. Then a whole lot of stress hit, my dad died, both my grandparents died, I got pregnant again and fell deep into depression.
This is when Gene started to change. I saw he was trying to improve himself, and I felt like if we continue down this path I will lose him....... I could fight or give up..... I decided to fight.
Fast forward to today! We have found US, we put our faith first, then we put US next. Don't get me wrong we don't shove our kids in a closet..... just in their rooms! And we take time for each other. We go on a date as often as we can, we SUPPORT each other, we RESPECT each other and we genuinely LOVE and CARE for each other.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have a husband that treats her with respect, dignity, and love.

When was the last time you said "I love you" and really meant it? When was the last time you touched (non sexual) and really cared for one another?

In fact when was the last time you told your Family.... or your Friends that you "Love" them? When was the last time you gave a hug, shook a hand or touched a shoulder to let them know you care and understand? I encourage you to try it and see what kind of reaction you get! You just might be surprised! Happy Valentines everyone "I love you!"

Day 27

I am REALLY excited to show you before and after pictures. I am seeing good results in these ladies in just 30 days! Can't wait, Can't wait!!!! I will share them on Saturday day 30 along with final weight loss.
How have I been feeling? Honestly, kinda crabby..... I mean crappy...... I mean happy! Yes, I am happy just sometimes ya just get a little down. Mine stems from my knee, I really try to deal with it, push through pain, back off a little then push again. For me, (and people that know me understand this quite well)  when I am on a mission to do something.... I DO IT.... period! When my momentum slows down it's not a good place for me, feeling dumpy, hard to motivate myself let alone motivate others!  I have realized this place WILL happen, and it will be continuous for the rest of my life I just have to learn what to do when it happens. SCREAM AND PULL THE COVERS OVER MY HEAD! No just kidding, that's what I feel like sometimes but I have an amazing group of people around me that WON'T let that happen! So I lean on them, I am learning to be okay with that.
What do you do when life gets stressful or out of sorts? If your answer is pull the covers over your head.... not going to work, not healthy. Try a different approach or like my trainers says if your frustrated or something is not working for you..... "make a change!"

Day 26

We have  a new comer she just gave birth 2 weeks ago! WELCOME... YOU are beautiful!   I am happy to report that ALL the girls on here want to stick this out for a while longer! Saturday is 30 days, at that point I am going to switch back to my weekly blogging! (whew I am excited about that!) not that this hasn't been fun but I will be happy to get back to my old routine.  But I have a twist..... And I am SUPER excited about it but I'm not going to tell you what it is yet....... I will tell you on Monday!

I've been slacking on the "how do I feel, what is going well and bad" I'm fine, that's about it!

without limits

I told my coach that I wanted this next year to be a year "without limits" it popped into my head and I went with it. But sometimes I SAY before I DO. What I should have done first is think about what limits I set for myself then decide if I really want to follow up with that statement! Haha, jokes on me with this one, I said it now I'm going to strive for it!

What kind of limits do YOU put on yourself?'

*Job - feeling like this is what you went to school for or this is what you are good at so you should stay with it?
*fear of failure
*fear of success
*fear of change
*Identity - your comfortable where you are and it's too much work to become something or someone else
*unable to forgive yourself
*unable to love yourself or others around you
*crisis - what if something happens? loss? injury? illness?

I will tell you those are pretty much mine and I have embraced MOST of them, this year is about embracing the REST of them.

What limits are you putting on yourself? Are you willing to make this year 2013 a year to embrace it and change whatever is holding you back? Big or small the ability to take the step is worth all that it is! 

Jen